Communication is the first key
Please have all of your information before you call. Yelling to a friend “where are we at?” is not a good start. We need to know exactly where you are. Remember, many buildings have more than on entrance. Don’t expect your driver to guess.
Please inform us to the number of passengers in your party. We all learned in grade school that I is singular. We can only legally carry the number of passengers that there are seatbelts for. Please, do not try to squeeze in extra passengers. This is not the Sixties and we do not drive VW Beetles. (If you don’t get the reference, ask your parents.) We can send a larger vehicle or multiple vehicles if needed.
Please, inform us of any additional stops. This helps to schedule fares in an efficient manner. You would not be happy if your cab shows up late because the last fare neglected to mention the extra stops when placing their order.
If you are at a loud party or a bar, please take the phone to where you can hear. You are not being filmed for a Verizon commercial. If you can not hear us, yelling into the phone is guaranteed not to help.
A tip. U of M phones are blocked. If you call from a U of M phone, the driver can not contact you from his cell phone to let you know that he has arrived.
Courtesy is the second key
You will be pleasantly surprised how far it will get you with a cab driver.
To a cab driver, time is money. He did not punch a clock and is not on a salary. Please be ready to go when the cab arrives. We try very hard to give accurate ETA’s and provide prompt service. Usually a driver will call within a minute or two before arrival. Please get into the cab promptly. When a driver says “come outside” that means NOW!!!!! This is not the time to find your friends, your I.D., your coat, keys or go to the bathroom.
We gladly take time orders. If you want prompt service in the future, please be ready at that time. We operate on EST. That is Eastern Standard Time not Eastern Sorority Time. Time orders are a courtesy we extend to our customers. This courtesy is not offered to those who abuse it.
Only call one company. Do not call every company in the Yellow Pages or that you can Google and take the first one that arrives. If your plans change and you no longer need the cab, please call and cancel.
Common Sense is the third key
Unfortunately, the S.A.T. does not measure this. We know that you are smart, please act that way.
Please be where your cell phone gets reception when the driver calls. The driver can only assume that you no longer need the cab and will move on to his next fare. You are going to be really upset when you are informed that you missed your cab. This is bad because we like happy customers.
If you are at a noisy party or bar put your phone on vibrate and hold it in your hand so you will know when the driver calls. If you want a cheap thrill, you can put it in your pocket.
Avoid the rush. On party nights leave for the bar early. Cabs are more available, you will not have to wait in line and you will get a table to sit at. (Guys take a tip from Uncle Rick get a table that is next to the path to the ladies room. I should not have to explain this to a U of M Man, but if you are confused give me a call and I will try to help.)
Leave the bar at least 15 minutes before closing time. Don’t wait until it becomes a war zone out front. Dude, if by this time you have not convinced the lovely young lady of your choice to go to someplace quiet where you can “talk” your odds are slim to none. Ladies, if the young man that you think is Jude Law prefers to hang with his Buds and drink more beer, instead of spending “quality time” with you, it is time to leave and go for Colin Farrell next time.
O.K. So you did not take my advice and now you are in a crowd of 200 other people who also want a cab. Don’t be a total idiot and start jumping in front of cabs and beating on them to get them to stop. Don’t throw stuff at a cab or swear at the driver. He will probably remember your face and not pick you up in the future. Simply walk a block or two down the street or around the corner and have a cab meet you there. Please identify yourself to the driver. I personally have over 600 names in my phone, so don’t always expect your driver to remember your face.
Respect is the fourth key
Remember respect gains respect. If you respect a driver he will respect you.
While you are in the cab please behave like ladies and gentlemen. Screaming at your friends is not necessary. They are at most only 5 feet away and most likely not hearing impaired. You did not go to school on the “short bus” do not behave like you did.
We may be old enough to be your father, but we are not senile. It was not that long ago that we were your age. We tried all the tricks when we were your age and can probably teach you a couple. So don’t try to bring open booze into the cab. It is considered open intoxicates in a motor vehicle. The driver does not need the ticket and you do not need a MIP if the driver gets pulled over. We know the old line “It’s just water / juice / soda” is BS, so please dispose of the water / juice / soda before entering the cab.
If possible do not put your sick friends in a cab and send them home. Bad things can happen. The driver does not need a mess in his cab. Barfing out the window is not the best idea either, especially if another motorist with lights on his roof happens to notice. Also, Public Safety likes to hang out at the entrances to the dorms. I suggest that you find a place at the party where you and your friend are safe and can sleep it off.
Be sure to tip your driver well. If I have to explain this you must be from Kalamazoo or a Yooper.
One last tip. When going to the airport, please take us. If we see you getting into a competitors vehicle with your suitcase, you are less likely to get preferential treatment next time you are out partying.
Hope To See You In The Cab Soon
I would be remiss if I failed to tell you most good cab drivers have a “no carry” list. Technology is our friend. All cell phones have a red button. Customers that are a repeated pain in the gluteus maximus have a special designation attached to their phone number to identify them as such. Star 67 will not work, blocked numbers are not responded to.